Enduring Silence
by Pixieblade
Summary: AN: Part 5 of the Tobacco Road Arc. This is a 39 centered fic. T-WS
1. Chapter 1

**Enduring Silence**

Series: Saiyuki AU

Rating: T

Ch. 1-

"Come, Ravi." Small tentative fingers clutched his as he turned from the old woman and started the long journey back towards Chang'an. It would take months if not a year to make it back. Glancing down at the small child by his side he amended that thought; this would most likely take years and be a growing point for the two of them. Five years had passed since Sanzo's death. The child was only three, Sanzo had been as stubborn as they had thought, waiting two years to be reincarnated. Goku grimaced at the memory.

"What's wrong?" The voice was lightly inflected with concern as it broke through his musings.

"Nothing. I was remembering your last life." He smiled broadly, more teeth than lips showed though in this new form unfortunately.

"Hmm…I don't remember much. There was rain and I was crying. I wanted the pain to stop, but I couldn't feel any pain. Someone was yelling for me, calling me, over and over…was that you?"

Goku was amazed at the level of intelligence the child displayed, really there was something more to this new Sanzo than he could see right now.

"Yes. I wanted you to come back to me. Ravi?"

"Yes?"

"What else do you remember?"

"Not much, shadows, sometimes faces. Oh! And this…it's my special toy."

"A…paper fan?"

"Granny said it was called a hari..hara…"

"Harisen."

"Yes, that's it! I'd hide it here in my sleeve and when she wasn't looking I'd chase the monkeys around in the yard and sometimes the little ones were stupid enough to let me hit them upside the head." The little boy paused his joyous rambling and bit down on his bottom lip thoughtfully before raising his eyes and staring at the Monkey King.

"I wonder why that always made me feel better?" Goku smiled softly and petted his head, earning him a disapproving scowl.

"Were you lonely with the old lady?"

"No. Not really. She was very kind, but she smoked and I don't like the smell of smoke." He crinkled his button nose up in admonishment.

"She always told me that someone would come for me. She said I'd hear them in here." He tapped his head with the folded fan lightly and kept speaking. "I think she was wrong though."

Goku looked down quickly, alarm slowing his steps, "Ravi, do you want to hear someone?"

"Maybe when I'm older. I think since I'm never alone, there's no reason to hear one now. I don't need make believe friends…" he glanced up shyly, "because from now on you'll be my friend, won't you?"

Goku stopped and kneeled in the dusty road, his fingers lightly ghosting over the soft pale skin and smiled, "Your best friend, okay? I have been beside you for many lifetimes; I don't plan and stopping now."

Ravi grinned up at him and flung himself into Goku's arms, wrapping his own small ones around his neck and giving it a gentle squeeze, "Thank you." He whispered.

Goku cradled the boy against his chest and fought the urge to cry. His older self was tight lipped about the whole situation, but inside his chest was still the irrepressible joy and childish innocence that Goku had always maintained. Five years of wandering through China and India again had given him a certain level of comfort with his new form.

Standing, he hefted the child effortlessly onto his shoulder and started walking again.

"Where are we going?"

"A very long ways."

"Are you going to walk to whole way?"

"That was the plan."

"Stupid plan, don't we have something faster?"

Goku smirked and kept walking, "Some things never change," he mumbled.

***


	2. Chapter 2

Ch. 2

"Did you see?" "I can't believe there are any left." "I'm scared." "Let's go tell the constable." "I don't want them here." "Filthy beasts." "Is he going to eat that child?"

"Goku…"

"Ignore them, Ravi. They aren't worth it."

Ravi clutched at Goku's mane a little harder--fingers twining the silky brown-gold strands around and around until Goku thought they might just snap under the boy's nervous attention.

"You there…demon. We don't want any trouble, but you can't stay." Goku turned and glanced over his shoulder amused at the fumbling ferocity the middle-aged, balding constable turned on them as they passed through the small square.

"We have no intention of staying, sir. We are merely passing through." He stated as clearly as possible and without even the faintest hint of indignation. He'd learned over the last few years that in his proper form, even the slight narrowing of eyes looked deadly to most humans. He guessed the next time he saw Hakkai he'd have to thank him. Watching him all those years made this new skill of polite indifference come much easier.

"That boy, he's human. You should leave him here and go. We don't want any trouble."

Now Goku did narrow his eyes and bared his teeth just a tiny bit, though it was enough to make those villagers closest to them shy back a few steps. "The boy goes with me, he's not your concern or your blood; he _is_ mine."

Puffing himself up the constable thrust out his chest and glared at Goku. "Boy's human. You're a monster. There's no reason for him to be with you other than as food, so let him go."

Ravi looked back and forth between the older, portly man with salt and pepper wisps of tufted hair at his ears and down at the golden gold-like demon whose shoulders he'd been ridding for the last few days. Goku had one square clawed hand across his chest to lightly hold on to his own small knee keeping him both balanced and as a gesture of protection against the steadily growing crowd. In the hot Indian sun his golden skin shown copper and brilliant, powerful and elegant in its grandeur.

The man, by comparison, was tallow skinned and gaunt looking. His face red with embarrassment as people started yelling at him to do something, to take back the child from this monster in front of him. Looking at the demon though, he could see something was different. Even after the great calamity of five years ago he'd never seen a demon so regal looking.

"I don't want to go."

He looked up at the child sitting so elegantly on the demon's shoulder and stared dumbfounded.

"You haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about, little girl, just be quiet and let us adults take care of this!"

Goku smiled and waited, he'd get to see if this new Sanzo was really like his old one or not sooner than he thought.

"I…am…not…a…GIRL!!!" The trembling form announced, spitting at the assembled adults in his indignation.

Goku chuckled softly at the taken aback looks of the villagers, "No, he's not and we have business to attend to. Good bye."

"I can't believe him! What is he, any idiot? A girl? A _girl_?!! Can we leave yet?" The righteous anger mixed with childish lilting tones made Goku laugh openly as he turned on his heel and started walking away, Ravi shaking in frustration as he continued his litany.

"And **you**! Some God you are, they can't even tell I'm a boy! Are you listening to me? Goku. GOKU!!"

*Whack*

Goku didn't even feel the small harisen as it thwacked benignly against the top of his head. Oh, this child had a long way to go before he'd perfected Sanzo's Paper fan of Doom slap, but the rest was right on target. It made that part of him that was still hurt from his lovers' death relax a bit. It was just a matter of time. If there was one thing Goku had learned how to do, it was wait.

"We're not…GAH!!!"

Goku didn't even spare a look over his shoulder as he recalled his Nyoibou to his side, the suddenly shrinking form retracting into the smaller walking staff he usually carried. Ravi twisted on his shoulder, glancing back and smirking at the constable who was laid out flat on his back, a gaping hole between his feet where the weapon had collided with the hard packed clay road and won.

"Stupid idiots." The young boy muttered.

"Now Ravi, that's not a very enlightened thing to say. They were only scared."

"Why should I care if people like that are scared? They only bother you if you look different or weak and they don't stand up for the ones that really need it. I don't like those types of people. I'd rather just stay with you."

Goku smiled and patted the boy's head, "Don't worry, I will never leave you, Ravi. Never."

***

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

Ch. 3

The breeze was nice and cool against the raw sunburn peppering the white skin of Ravi's back as he lay dozing lightly across Goku's stomach. Goku smiled as the boy shifted in his sleep, unconsciously drawing his fingers over the chaos emblem on the taut, golden skin of his stomach, lips curving up into a soft, tender smile as he lightly drew his claws through the shimmering halo of the boy's hair.

He wondered if Koumyou had felt this fluttering in his stomach when Sanzo had looked at him as a boy. It was hard, imagining this toddler becoming the man who use to beat him mercilessly over the head with his fan, or shoot at him and Gojyo for breathing wrong when he was in a bad mood. This innocent looking child was destined to become a man capable of taking down gods. It amused him and frightened him to no end.

He seriously fretted over whether he was the best person to take care of the boy. Hakkai and Gojyo might be better suited, having their own kids and all, but he was loath to leave Ravi now that he'd found him. He'd have to stop by his friends when they returned though. Just to check in of course.

"Mmmhhh…"

Glancing down he gentle brushed the yellow-blond hair out of sleepy eyes and smiled when violet, blue orbs blinked slowly back at him.

"'morning."

"Good morning, Ravi."

"Where?"

"A small valley thirty miles north of the town; we are safe here."

Ravi pushed himself up and slid off of Goku as the older demon also moved to sit up.

"Why were they so mad at you?"

"They we're not really mad at me, just demons in general."

"But why?"

"Did the old lady not tell you about the Great Calamity five years ago?"

Ravi shook his head vigorously.

"Oh, well then I should tell you what really happened. Several years ago most of the demons that had been living peacefully with humans started to go crazy. No one understood why. Sanzo…"

"That was me."

"Yes. Sanzo and I were sent to figure out why and stop it. We traveled with two others, Hakkai and Gojyo, and a small dragon called Jeep. We traveled from China to India for many years stopping murdering demons that had lost their sanity."

"Why were they crazy?"

"There were some people that wanted to revive a demon so powerful it had taken a God to stop him in the past. Their magic and science was starting to wake him up again and the result was driving all the lesser demons mad."

"But you won."

"Yes, barely, but we did."

"Did I die then?"

"No. No, Sanzo lived for a while after we stopped Gyoumaoh."

"Then how did I die?"

Goku swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He didn't want to have this conversation yet. Not yet.

"Let's get lunch started, I'll tell you about that later, alright?"

"Goku…."

Goku glanced down at the boy, bright features and shinning eyes now dark and stormy behind the shimmering amethyst. Child in body he might be, but his mind still held fractions of his lover's notorious temper.

Goku sighed and kneeled beside the boy.

"There was a battle, afterwards. I was…I was unable to save you. You sacrificed your life to save the world, Ravi. You should be very proud of that."

"You're not telling me everything." The boy pouted, foot tapping the ground sulkily as he crossed his arms and jutted out his bottom lip.

"No, I'm not. But one day you will remember and we will talk about it then. In the meantime I am here with you, and I will not leave."

"You say that all the time."

"Because you are very important to me, Ravi. When you are older you will understand."

"I think I'm going to hate that."

"What?" Goku blinked confused.

"Waiting. I'm going to hate waiting."

Goku smiled and ruffled the boy's hair, leaning over to press a feather light kiss to his forehead.

"I think we both will." He murmured, gathering the boy close for a hug before hefting him onto his shoulder.

"Where to now?"

"I thought lunch. Does roasted fish sound good to you?"

"Yeah. That's fine." He grumbled, small fingers still touching the spot on his forehead where Goku'd kissed him.

***

TBC.


	4. Chapter 4

Ch. 4

Roasted fish and the valley were days behind them--uneventful, boring days by Ravi's telling. Goku had refused to answer about how he died and it was starting to annoy him. He thought up all sorts of dangerous images, dragons, and lions, and once, even a fall from a cliff. He'd shivered at that one, something about the idea, of falling into a rushing canyon stream and not being able to get free terrified him. He had a woken thrashing in his bed roll next to Goku, tears in his eyes and a scream on his lips. It had seemed so _real_. Goku had done his best to calm him, but no amount of soothing words worked as well as feeling the warm press of the demon's chest under his cheek, of his heartbeat steady and sure under his ear. He loved the sound.

Now they were walking through a small stunted forest, the rain pounding down around them, denting the clay soil and slicing through the large bodi leaves. The ferocity of the storm was terrifying. The large lightening arcs across the deep purple sky electrified the air making his hair stand on end. Crowding in against Goku's chest he tried to make himself as tiny as possible, even going so far as wrapping the blue dhoti around his head, the ends of the scarf wrapped tightly up in his tiny fists.

"Are you afraid?" Goku's soft voice rumbled around him like the thunder.

"No."

Smiling, Goku cupped the small chin and made him meet his eyes.

"Maybe."

"The storm will last another day. It will be two more before we can continue on. Why don't I tell you about our adventures while we wait?"

Ravi nodded as another crack of lightning ripped the sky asunder, jerking back against the strong body. He hated the rain.

"There was one time, we were camping out again, and Gojyo had made this bet with camp duties as the prize, that he could steal Sanzo's sutra while he was bathing in the river. Hakkai tried to tell him it could only result in his death, that Sanzo never went anywhere without it, but he laughed off the warning and winked at me determined. We crept down to the river, keeping downwind should there be any breeze. I could hear slashing and humming. It was nice, a little off-key, but not too bad. As we got closer I could see Sanzo in the water. There was still ice on the edges, floating there like miniature icebergs, it had to be freezing."

He smiled at the memory, shifting farther back into the tiny ruined temple, pulling Ravi with him as he settled the boy against him, his chin brushing the top of his head every time he spoke.

"So Gojyo sees his clothes hanging off a branch near the forest and creeps around to them. We stopped dead when the idiot stepped on a twig, the snap so loud in the sudden quiet that we were certain the next sound would be Sanzo's gun going off. But it didn't. Sanzo barely turned to glance at the sound; he just kept humming and scrubbing at his skin with the bar of soap. I should have known then, but I thought we were clever."

He chuckled lightly, "Gojyo was finally able to get the clothes and scrambled back towards me. Huddling in the bushes we went through them…no sutra. Sighing, we turned as one to glance back to Sanzo, but he wasn't in the stream any longer. We glanced around nervously, edging back the way we came. There was a soft click behind my ear…Sanzo was right behind me, gun cocked and aimed straight between my eyes."

Ravi sucked in a quick breath, "What did he do?" he gasped.

Goku let his eyes slip mostly shut with only a thin sliver of the gold shimmering through.

Pulling the silence out dramatically he waited until the young boy was crawling up out of his arms, face twitching in anticipation.

"He cocked the gun…glaring daggers at us…and just as he was about to speak…"

He could feel the tension mounting in the small body, those deep violet eyes fixed on his face expectantly…

"Gojyo let out this _huge_ fart! I mean, it just ripped through the forest!!" he exclaimed, curling in tightly and tickling the boy mercilessly.

Ravi squealed as ghostly claws tickled their way across his sides and stomach, giggling madly as he twisted back and forth in Goku's arms, the storm and fear forgotten in the silliness of the moment. When they finally quieted down, reclining against the cool stone and wrapped in Goku's cape Ravi whispered softly, his lips murmuring against Goku's throat.

"Thank you…Goku."

Goku spent the rest of the night smiling tenderly at the small form in his arms, his claws petting the silken corn silk hair lovingly. He really couldn't wait for the boy to grow up.

TBC.


	5. Chapter 5

Ch. 5—

Someone should have given him a bit of training when dealing with kids. Or gods-trapped-in-kids'-bodies, or reincarnations of ex-lovers, or _something_, because he was definitely not prepared for long term travel with a pre-schooler. A few days he was fine with, he definitely had enough stories to keep them amused. A few weeks…okay, a bit harder to keep the happy up, but still doable. A few _months_?! Ung-uh, he'd long lost sense of the boy as a lover that cared for him, that draped him in loving arms and sugared words…wait, Sanzo had never been like that to begin with, so what the hell was his problem with dealing with a cranky, surly, bordering on four-year old that had firm command of a mini harisen?

"Ravi, for the last time, no, we cannot stop so you can chase the monkeys." he sighed exasperated.

"But they're annoying!" he pouted, clutching Goku's arm as he was once more swung up onto the demon's shoulder.

"I really don't care. If I stop and let you play with every monkey in India we'll never reach China."

"Why are we going back to China anyways?" he whined, rubbing his eyes with the back of his fist.

Goku let out a long suffering sigh; they had this conversation once a week at least.

"I told you, I live in China. All our friends are there and we are going back to the temple in Chang'an."

"I don't wanna go to some stupid temple."

Goku rubbed his eyes, biting back a small growl of frustration.

"I don't wanna! I don't wanna!** I don't wanna!!!**" He shouted, punctuating each sentence with a kick of small feet against Goku's chest.

"Please just settle down. It won't take much longer." He placated, whispering under his breath that it had better not, for all their sakes.

***

Fall came and went with monsoons and swollen river banks along the Gahanga Rive in the far North East provinces. Goku slowed to a halt to survey their latest hurdle. So far the journey had been much more relaxed than his previous venture into the country, or out of it for that matter. Setting Ravi carefully on a large bolder he paced the roaring river's edge, the beast within the man curling his clawed feet instinctively to keep his balance in the ever shifting mud.

He cursed as part of a bridge floated past; the boards cracking under the waters might as they were flung haphazardly against deep umber rocks, the flotsam striking several near their own perilous position along the banks. Stalking back towards his charge he called out to the boy, his arm half extended as he beckoned him over.

It was the worse mistake of his life.

He didn't know he could move that fast. Or slow, since everything seemed to slow to the point where taking a lungful of air burned his lungs. Of course that might have been the water rushing in the fill them as well. Surging forward he leapt for the tottering blond child only to have the tissue-silk kurta shred under his nails. He knew the look of absolute terror and panic on the boys face was mirrored in his own. Watching as the grey-swirling ink rushed up to meet the boy, the small white face held aloft for a moment like the moon in the sky before it disappeared down into the chaos.

Goku forgot how to breathe.

Slamming into the bolder he careened away from its slick surface with a powerful thrust of his legs, his body slicing through the white-capped flood in a desperate search to find the boy. He called out his name, throat and nose burning as air and water fought for entrance, thrusting off of one rock only to be pounded mercilessly into another, all the while reaching for an arm or leg that wasn't there.

He kicked violently at the hateful water, head breaking through to the surface and flung his soaked mane back out of his eyes. A cry as piercing as a mountain wind raced through his soggy mind, his head whipped to the left just as a pale arm beat at the air furiously, the pain in his head overshadowed by the desperate need to move, to grasp and cling to the gasping form, midnight silk and thin child's skin tearing like paper under his claws, the deep red washed out like dye.

But he had him; that was all that mattered.

Floundering for a bit without the use of one arm, it took him considerably longer than he liked to get to the far shore. He could have turned back, might have been better for them if he had, but in for a penny in for a pound as the monks use to say. He coughed up half the river, his legs still dangling in its fierce wake as he pulled them free of its deadly clutches. Ravi was shivering violently in his arms, but his raking sobs and wet gagging as the fouled river water was expelled from his lungs proved he lived.

"Ra..vi…" he croaked, tongue thick in his mouth. Flipping over onto his back he set the boy on top of him, thumps pushing the dripping locks out of his eyes, the mud away from his mouth.

"God…Thank God…" was all he could murmur, repeating the phrase over and over, in his head or out loud he didn't know or care. Crushing the boy against him he swore softly that he'd never leave him again.

Ravi could only cry softly into the heavy material of Goku's jerkin as he shivered.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" he cried, desperately trying to get closer.

Goku smoothed his hair back and cupped the sobbing face. He wondered if this is what he had looked like as a child back in Heaven.

"It's alright now, you're safe, and I'm not leaving you. It's alright." He soothed repeatedly until the small form's breathing evened out into that of exhausted sleep.

He wanted nothing more than to follow into a dreamless landscape, but he wasn't sure of the river's stability. Pushing himself up, he stumbled for the tree line. Praying that was the last of their problems for a while.

TBC


End file.
